Future; (n) big, scary mess of possibilities.

I have to start this off with a big huge HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my mommy, the most important woman in my life. No matter what happens she'll be the one I can always turn to and I couldn't ask for anyone better. (That would be like having gold and trying to ask for something better.) I love her with all my heart and can't even put into words how much she means to me after all the great ups, the bumpy downs, and then just the amazing days with her. She's molded me into who I am today and I can't do anything but praise her; she's my real life fairy godmother, except with no evil stepmother or stepsisters required. I thank God that I was chosen to be given to her. :)

The lovely lady is the reason I have so many options for my future; which right now I can consider a good and a bad thing. But again, I love you Madre and can't wait for what will be even better years. :)

I am so confused about the future right now. I've always had different ideas of what I want to be (architect, neurosurgeon, pediatrician, lawyer, fashion designer, burlesque dancer, photographer, etc), but always thought that those were just fancies and no matter what I'd become a neurosurgeon because that's my dream. But now I'm confused and scared to jump into the planned college course because I'm not sure if it will be right for me, and who wants to put work into nothing?

The main problem is is that each dream is so on the opposite side of the spectrum of the others that I can't even try to learn towards just one major or study and then choose. Becoming a neurosurgeon would be amazing; I'd be helping people and operating on the impossible every day. But what about other factors of life? What if I end up deciding I want family and to actually spend time with them? Then I'd be, to put it bluntly, in a heck of a twist.

All I know is that I want to do something different - which might be my problem right there. I live for the shock factor, love to say and do things just to see the reactions. Maybe I need to stop considering the reactions of other people and figure out something that will shock myself? But in a good way; a sort of shock that makes me realize I am doing something I love. Because my biggest fear is that I'll choose one of these careers and then wake up one day and realize I don't love it at all and have to start all over again. I want to do it right the first time, not have to be redoing everything my entire life.

Growing up isn't very fun. I mean sure, I get a license, some more freedom as I age and get to branch off - but that's also the scary part because responsibilities come with these freedoms and so do big consequences if I mess any of it up.

I wish perfection did exist.

Addicted. :3

First, I'd just like to say that next Friday I get to go to the cadaver lab at Weber State. Do you know how excited I am to see these dead bodies be cut into?! I mean not only do I get to miss a whole day of school, but I get to do it to go see dead bodies and also look at other professions in the medical field. It is going to be the most amazing day ever. :)

Now second of all, I just want to type an apology cause I feel a little guilty. I had one of those days where you just suddenly have this urge to not necessarily be mean, but shocking, ya know? And since I stayed up because of ridiculous assignments in English, I was harsh to the teacher and I feel a bit bad. Other than that, he has to understand my point. I mean one minute he's telling us that he knows we're smarter than we get credit for and that's why we're reading The Count of Monte Cristo, but then the next he's saying, Oh, you won't be able to understand this so keep a journal of the characters. I realize that that will help some people - but most of us don't need it and aren't going to do it. Why require such a mundane task when it's just going to be adding salt onto what's already been taken as an insult? -.-

I'll stray back to the positive now! My new stash came in the mail a little ago and Madre finally let me have it. :D I almost died from the withdrawals of knowing it was being hidden, screaming for me to be wearing it. The wait was worth it and my addiction has been satisfied. For now.

Pictures of the new colors:

 Light shimmery blue :)

 Dark shimmery blue :)

 Matte icy blue - it's gorgeous!

 Dark matte blue - one of my favs! :)

 Dark light blue, but no shimmer:)

 Liar :)

 Liar :)

 Blue and purple; also known as Liar and Corpse Bride :)

This is just one of my favorite purples, not a new one :)

And more addictions I have? Ha, vintage clothing, Slurpees, hugs, dancing, reading, writing, making strange faces, the list goes on and on. Speaking of which, my vintage dress I just ordered got here. Here are two pics of the fabric I'll post pics later on of the actual thing :

But I'm off - basketball game with Vroom tonight. :) Have a good day and remember to think of at least one important thing. It adds to the surface area of your brain. :) Au revoir.

Blah, blah, black sheep..

'We only interpret pain - really feeling it would shake us so badly to our core that we'd be too afraid of the world.'

Do you know what my brain might be looking like right this moment? No, not a pile of mush. Yeah, like it has meningitis. My health teacher thinks it's funny to mess with people who have hypochondriac tendencies apparently. But when she says the first sign is a sore, almost like a bruised, swelling feeling in your neck and that's what I woke up with this morning, well it's a little scary. So let's all hope my brain doesn't look like a hardened bowl of meningitis. And even if it did, the only way to test for it is a lumbar spinal tap. Do you think I'm going to let a needle touch my spine? Or any part of me for that fact? No freaking way.

Anyways, today was a better day - Murphy keeps on piling the homework on (which is suprising to me, because he's always been one of those teachers who more just doesn't really teach) but I'm keeping up with it. Barely.

No time for photography today. :( I promise to devote my weekend to it though!

Going back to health, we also talked about seizures. Harlan mentioned how some people have silent ones, where they'll stare off and suddenly get up and walk somewhere before zoning back in without even knowing what happened. My question is what about the rest of us who just disappear for a few moments? Or even longer moments? I don't mean literally disappear, but are doing something and then about five minutes later snap back into it doing the same thing, but with no recollection of thoughts or anything. Miniseizures perhaps? Explosions of neurons happening everyday? If so, is that good or bad for you brain? I don't really know, I just like to go on a tangent with some of my ideas.

Oh, and then in Debate, we watched the State of the Union. Not exactly my cup of tea, but we had to take notes so I paid attention. I was impressed - mainly because with how many Obama haters there are out there, he did a pretty good job of addressing the bad things, but also offering ways to fix it and confirmations of reformations of certain systems coming up, etc. I especially liked the fact that he mixed the parties; lately people are more focused on what party they're in rather than what they're doing to move our society forward. No matter which party you belong to, the parties are going to have to work together to move forward. We're watching the rest of it on Friday, so we'll see if my opinion changes by then.

Something that irked me about it, though? People are so disrespectful. I don't care if YOU don't like him; he's trying and has done a better job than some so just keep your opinions to yourself. If they would have had a legitimate arguement with his speech, then heck yeah, I would have loved to hear it, but no, all I heard was them bashing him for being 'stupid' or having 'no idea'. Seeing as he's the one standing up there, I'm pretty sure he has more of an idea than you.

Well, have a nice night - don't let those pesky bed bugs bite. :)

gah.

'Confusion: (n) life.'

Ever had one of those days where you want to just throw a baby at the wall? Well, that was yesterday and I still feel that way. (Warning: babies better watch themselves - I'm serious.) My best friend has decided to distance herself, leaving me to drive with a stoner friend to school. (And Vroom, I love you even when you have insane dentist appointments at seven in the morning on late starts. Haha, I sound like quite a mooch there, don't I?)  Do you know what that leaves me with? Well, yeah, heartbreak, but also a contact high that lasts through first period. Luckily I had my gym bag (perfume equipped!) or else I would never have been able to get rid of the smell. Anyone looking for me after or before school will find me riding the bus until I get that little ticket of freedom.

Speaking of which, only 13 more days until I can hold said ticket in my hands. I'm standing still with excitement! Though I still have to take the actual driving test, which leaves me with a little bit of apprehension.

My migraines have been acting up and with them my insane ideas, apparently. The first few I'd like to present to you are:

1) I'm going to drop out of school and move to Africa to apply to become a tribe leader.

2) Forget brain surgery, I want to move to Alaska and design swimsuits. (Get the irony there? Eh? Eh?)

3) Create a colony in the ocean and go on daily excursions to find Atlantis because it is out there.

4) Or do become a brain surgeon, but just to laser out the gremlins who've been rain dancing in my head all week.

No one likes them, except for Jordan. But Jordan likes anything I suggest as long as he gets to come along. The joys of having found....eh....my mate? No. My partner? Sure. The joys of having found my partner so soon! :)

Anyways, volleyball is tonight and we're just doing rotations again - I still have to try on my uniform. Oh, and start on the homework due Friday. Shiz. Tomorrow will be homework overloaded because I need sleep.

¡Buenos dias amigos!

Oh and pictures from this week: (My main theme was rain since it was raining so I had lots of opportunities for that.)

Reflections are the coolest thing in photography. Or one of.

Who doesn't need a little bit of pixie dust?

My eye. :)

Taken on a windsheild when pulled over at midnight - may be a little blurry, but I love it so.

I love the depths and the color in this one.

Placement is key. :)

My piggie Calli! :)

The focus was off on this one, but I ended up liking it on Lizzie's nose :)

Left over raindrops. Triste Ó feliz? Yo no sé.

Wahoo!

'It was nothing to the countless others who had overlooked it, but to her, it was proof that new beginnings could be that good.'

Ah, this is my first time posting in a blog. Ever. And only because I'm using every excuse I can not to do my monstrous pile of homework due this week. Just remember, procrastination only sours - no matter how sweet it tastes in the beginning.

Anyways, this is going to be the place where I express a few thoughts, events, and most of all, my photography. Maybe a little of my writing (just one liners before each post though - wouldn't want to bore you.) Nothing simple or anything - at least I'll try not to. I dislike those who just blah, blah, blah on and on about drama I'm never going to have a chance to throw a punch in.

Well, bonjour. Say hello, if that's even possible (I might be growing up in the technological age, but that doesn't mean I know how to work blogs.) I hope you enjoy myself, my musings, and my works.